Latest news...

I've seen it all now. My hoomans have just been having a good laugh at a website showing a swimming pool for DOGS!! It has lots of programs including puppy swim lessons (when did dogs lose the ability to swim without learning?) doggy fitness (because apparently making contact with the ground is bad for our legs) Since when? Why do we have legs then? The water is 85 degrees and from the look of the videos, the dogs shown didn't look exactly happy to be in such a hot, wet situation. Some even wore life vests...again I ask you, when did dogs lose the ability to swim or float? If God wanted us to float, we would inflate at the touch or our tail or something wouldn't we? Heavens above! What kind of culture is this I ask you? Have we lost our marbles? Do you know that half the world lives on less than a dollar a day and there are places where children don't have clean drinking water or food, clothes, or hot pools to swim in, yet here in North America, we dogs have heated pools, baths, food, fresh water fountains, clothes (again...when did we dogs lose the ability to keep warm or waterproof?) and a lot of other nonsense, when half the world is starving and dying for lack of what we have. Even I know that, and I'm just a dog. Yep...did you get that? I'm JUST A DOG..a mutt, a canine, an animal...one that doesn't need namby pamby clothes or drinking fountains, strollers, hot water swim pools or anything else! We dogs have dignity...let us keep it!

And did you know you can buy doggy Star Wars costumes? I ask you...a dog with Yoda ears..whatever next?

Oh, and I ate my new halti collar today...I have only worn it once...it's a smart little device that stops me pulling. Thing is, you hoomans didn't think I was that smart did you...so you wasted your $20 on that didn't you...cos I ate it (and threw up twice today too!) It was great!

WEEKLY NEWS!

What a week I've had! I lost my first two teeth this week! I was a bit disappointed that the Dog Fairy didn't come in the night and leave me a treat in exchange for my teeth though.
Then, That Cat tried to attack me for no reason, and the Kimberley pup rushed in to save me and got a scratched, bloody hand as a result of that Evil Cat. Poor Kimberley Pup. I licked and kissed her hand clean several times. Her sacrifice means a lot to me.
Yesterday I got neutered. All these weeks when I heard the hoomans talking about it, I thought it was something fun and exciting. I was wrong. Certain bits of me are sore and swollen, or even missing! And I came back from the vet with an ear infection, so now they have to squeeze drops right down into my ears twice a day. Not fun. The vet tried to put a cone on me to protect my 'missing' bits, but I destroyed it in minutes. So at least I don't have to wear that thing. It would ruin my "street cred"
My Mum is taking me for a run now (or maybe a walk as I'm not sure my missing parts should run) !

BACK FROM VET

I'm back from the vet and my legs are just sprained or bruised. So I am OK. Phew! I get to keep my dog doo bags, stinky bed and treats after all! I am limping a bit but it will get better. They also booked me in to be neutered next Friday. I might be limping again after that for different reasons....

OOPS!

I have just done a silly thing, and now my leg hurts :(

After going out in the rain and the mud this morning, I was put on the deck for a little while until my feet were dry and clean (then I get to come in). Well, today, that Evil Cat was tormenting me near the deck, so I climbed up to get a better view, and then decided to JUMP over the deck to get to that cat. Oops. I landed on the lower steps far below, but I hurt myself, and now I am limping. They are taking me to the vet this afternoon....

Now I'm scared. If this is my last post, I want you to know that I love you all and I'm leaving my dog doo bags to Fergus across the street. I'm leaving my squeaky balls to the Cat just to annoy her; my stinky bed to anyone who wants it; my big bowl to the hoomans to make pie in, and my fold up fabric travel bowl to Teddy down the road, who seems to be a thirsty dog. I'm leaving my bacon and cheese treats to Jonathan because he likes bacon and cheese; my pupperoni treats to Stuart because he likes pepperoni; my milk bones to Kim because she likes milk, and my stuffy dog with one eye to my mum, to remind her of me....

PS. I have a confession too. I ate the cat's catnip.

Note from Editor: It's really not that bad, and I think he's just sprained his leg. I'm sure Timmy will be back to normal in no time!!!

Posh poop!

My good friends Andy and Anna have given me some designer dog poop bags! They are my FAVOURITE thing! They are called "doo n go" and are environmentally friendly! It's a tiny pouch with a roll of cute green bags that you pull out of the bottom, and the whole thing attaches to my lead! How cool is that? Pooping is a pleasure now, and I think we have the best waste management in town. Thank you Andy and Anna! (If you want to try your gift, you can pick up my poop at any time....you may have to join the line up though because I'm sure everyone will want to use those cute bags.....)

TRANSGRESSIONS!! I have been doing a few naughty things lately! I think they are called transgreshuns or something. (I learned that from TV) The other day, I escaped from my lead on the driveway, and even though my mum asked me to stop, I bolted like a bullet and went for a run all by myself! There is so much world out there to discover....I couldn't help it! I ran down Darwin St in o.01 seconds, dodging cars and having a WONDERFUL time until a car stopped and someone jumped out and caught me! My mum came puffing down the street as red as a beetroot. She said she was embarrassed, and that I had disobeyed. She took me home and said she will have to keep me on a firm lead, or tied up if I am going to do that. I do love my mum and family, but I am so interested in exploring the world!

Then, the other night I somehow dislodged the power source for the alarm system, so that it was on back up power all night, and it went off at 5am (on a Saturday) You should have seen my people...running bleary eyed in their pyjamas trying to figure out what was going on....it was quite funny, and quite accidental!

I think I am in the dog house.....

PHOTO SHARE ALBUM

I went tobogganing yesterday (for real...it was my favourite thing!) The hoomans took pictures and have them on something called Shaw Photo Share. Follow this link to see them. The password is "dog" (what else?)

http://photoshare.shaw.ca/view/14565353611-1235761033-73195/56

SNOW DOG! Snow is absolutely my favourite thing! I love it! It snowed lots and lots today and I couldn't wait to get out in it. For some reason I love stuffing my entire head deep into the snow and leaving it there while the rest of me leaps about in the air! I also ran round and round the trampoline while my mom swept the snow off it (it gets too heavy for the springs) and barked my socks off. By the time we came in I looked like a white husky. The hoomans are talking about getting me a harness so that I can pull sled. I would be a good sled dog because I am so strong...I could pull a bus! They also discovered that I can howl like a wolf today. I put my snout in the air and HOWLED in reply to something called sirens in the distance. I also went to school for show and share in Jonathan's class. I lay on my back on the classroom floor with my four legs in the air and had a good rub. The classroom floor got all wet and muddy, but nobody seemed to mind. I also seem to have a 'gas' problem (as my mom found out when she bent to tie her shoe too close to me) This could be because I stole a taco last night and ate a blue paper clip too.....

DIARY: I went for a great walk with my neighbour, Fergus, this morning. Fergus is a border collie like me, but he is much older and slower. He likes to wander along at his own pace while I like to RUN like the wind and play ball! I love the wind in my face as I gallop and tumble and leap about! At lunch I ate cheese nachos (as well as my doggy lunch) Now I have gas coming from both ends. My Mum has just made cheese scones ...mmm. They smell good. I am waiting for my chance to steal one or two, and then blame the CAT. They are cooling in the kitchen...all warm and cheesy, fresh from the oven. Wonder if they will give me gas again. It smells great! Everyone loves their own gas don't they??!!

DOG WASTE SERVICES

I have just retrieved the mail for the hoomans. In the mail is a flyer about DOG WASTE REMOVAL SERVICES! Fancy that! Does someone wander around the streets looking for "dog waste" on people's lawns, just so that they can target the house with flyers about disposing it? The hoomans clean my waste up daily because I produce a lot! They said they've never seen so much "waste" come out of one animal before! I'm so proud of myself! Anyway, guess how much this Doggie Detail service charges for removing these items? $5.00 a week for a special dog waste bucket which is collected each week, and $6.75 for "yard service" where they come to your yard and remove it for you! People are actually making money out of dog poop?? Whatever next? We should sign up for the yard service....they might have to put their prices up after doing mine! My waste is worth much more than $6.75 a week...it's priceless!

DIARY: The hoomans were all sick yesterday. They had something called food poisoning, and could not take me for my walk or do anything with me. I was a bit bored. My Mum lost four pounds in weight in one day and has lost her appetite again. I don't know where she lost all those things, but I plan to help her find them later....Hopefully I will get my walk today. Does anyone want to come and walk me?

WALK BY THE RIVER! MY FAVOURITE THING!!!

DIARY: I went for my first proper long walk by the river today, now that I have had my second shots. I still get car sick, so the hoomans tried sitting me on my Mum's lap in the front of the car to see if it helped. It did! I stuck my head out of the window and drooled a lot! (I have a saliva problem when I'm anxious) My Mum got soaked! The salivary streaks sparkled silvery all over her jacket in the afternoon sun. I thought it was beautiful! I enjoyed my walk, and I LOVE meeting people, but I am scared of other dogs. I hid from them all and didn't sniff any of their 'rears' like I'm supposed to. I also went for my first swim! My favourite thing! The best thing of all was that the Evil one (cat) didn't go. Just me and my family. I threw up in a margarine tub on the way home though.

DIARY: Yesterday my teeth had an accident with my Mum! She was asking me to get "down" when I jumped up, and was using her hand to demonstrate "down"when I jumped UP! My mouth was open at the time and one of my sharp teeth was in the wrong place, and plunged into her hand! Oops. She has a bit of a hole there now. It's not bleeding as much as it was yesterday....

DIARY: I went for a run with my Mum today in the rain. Then when we picked the kid pups up from school, we went to the park to play ball! My favourite thing! I got black mud all over my legs and my white tummy. I didn't think it was a big deal, but my Mum kept telling me to wash when we got home. I didn't, so she had to wash me all over. While she washed me, I thought I would wash her all over too, so she got wetter than I did!
I cornered the Evil One (cat) today and refused to let her escape! I barked and growled and they all cheered me on! Apparently, I have to let her know who's boss. (If anyone knows who boss is please let me know...I didn't quite understand that part)

DIARY:

Today I thought I would share what's left of my chewy bone. I brought it to the Master Alpha Dog on the couch, glistening wet with my own drool, and tried to put it into the Master's mouth, but he didn't seem keen. I tried several times but he pushed me off! Does anyone know why he would refuse such a precious gift? I don't share my bones with just anyone you know....

I AM DOG

I AM DOG:

I wrote a song, but in order to appreciate it, you have to first go to You Tube and look up a song called "I am Cow" by Arrogant Worms. Once you have the tune in your head, or if you can pull it up underneath this blog so it plays while you are reading my version, it will be funny (well, my family finds it funny anyway) Here is my version:

I am Dog
Hear me bark
I like running in the park
And I always try to leave my "mark"

I am a proper canine
Don't need clothes to make me look fine
I am Dog
I am Dog
Hear me bark

I am Dog
Eating lots
Don't need breath mints or fancy pots
To give me filtered water everyday

Let me rough it as I'm meant to
Roll in mud
And eat my doo doo
I am Dog
I am Dog
Hear me bark

I am Dog
Man's best friend
I just cannot comprehend
Why some dogs get carried in a purse?

Oh I don't need walks in strollers
Silly bows or dog hair rollers
I am Dog
I am Dog
Hear me bark

I am Dog
I am Dog
Hear me bark!

I would love to put together my own video for You Tube, but my Mum isn't that clever (she's only hooman remember) but if anyone out there has the technology, feel free....

DIARY: Today I got five big blobs of gum on my butt. I think I rolled in it outside. My Mum tried to pull it off but it hurt. Now she is going to try putting ice on it! :( Between you and me I think the Evil One (cat) planted it there deliberately as a trap. She knew I would get stuck in it. She knew that disgusting things I can't mention would also get stuck to it so I would have to stay outside, while she is nice and warm inside. She watches me but says nothing. I know she is laughing at me behind those cold, calculating, double eye lidded eyes....

DIARY: I forgot to add in my last entry that I also chewed through the modem cable on the hoomans computer! It tasted great! They had no email or Internet for a day, but that cable sure helped my teething troubles. Cables are awesome to chew, and guess what! They're all over the house! I'm so lucky!

DIARY

DIARY: I'm not sure what day it is because I'm only a puppy and can't count past 10. Anyway, I have been "marking"my territory a lot. My territory is mostly the couch and certain places in the living room. I am marking there because The Evil One (called cat) hangs out in there a lot...mostly on the couch. So I am letting her know that the couch is MINE. Every day she attacks me and makes me yelp. Between you and me I am scared of her, but I do bark and pee in response. The hoomans keep talking about something called "neutering" to help with the marking. If anyone knows what this is, please let me know. What can that be, I wonder? After I "marked" the couch for the third time yesterday, My Mum has banned me from the living room and was talking about castrating me herself. What is that? Sounds like fun! Everything my Mum does with me is fun, so it can't be bad! I'll let you know when I find out....

P.S. That Cat is definitely Evil. Her eyes glow green sometimes. Like one of those aliens on Stargate SG1.

Day 10 Today it is snowing, so I helped my Mum clear three neighbours driveways (well I barked and danced, and chewed the snow shovel...that's helping isn't it?) I also ate the bathroom wall. I have observed that the One they call Cat is definitely Evil. She is definitely on the Dark Side of the Force....she torments me and eats my breakfast, then sits watching over me with the "Evil Stare"....